Going Back to Work After Years at Home Can Stir Up More Than Nerves : The American Centinel

For years, her days ran on school pickups, practice schedules, sick days and the hundred small jobs that keep a family going. Now the youngest is in high school or out of the house, the budget needs a second income, or a divorce has made work a necessity. At 44 or 49, she is updating a resume that stops a long time ago.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Many women describe returning to work as exciting and terrifying at once. They worry their skills are out of date, that younger coworkers will see them as behind, or that a long gap will be held against them. Those nerves are normal. But for some women, the transition stirs up something more serious.

Why this transition can be heavy

Going back to work often coincides with other midlife shifts. The empty nest can bring grief that surprises her. A marriage may be changing or ending. Parents may need more care just as she is trying to commit to a schedule. Perimenopause can make sleep unreliable and confidence shaky.

Rejection hurts more when she already doubts herself. A string of unanswered applications, a tough interview or a first job that feels beneath her experience can confirm a fear she has been carrying: that her best years are behind her and that she no longer matters. That message is common in depression, and it is not the truth.

When nerves become something more

Family and friends can watch for signs that last beyond the first rough weeks:

She stops applying or stops going to the new job without explanation
She says she is useless, too old or a failure in a way that sounds fixed
She cries often, or seems numb and far away
She sleeps far more or far less, or stops taking care of herself
She talks about feeling like a burden or about not wanting to be here
She withdraws from friends, family or activities she used to enjoy

How family can help

Partners and children can help by noticing the effort, not just the outcome. Going back to work after years at home takes courage. Saying so out loud matters. Offering practical help, like taking over some household tasks or rides, can also ease the load.

If you are worried she is in more than a slump, ask her directly. I have noticed you seem really low since you started looking for work. Are you thinking about suicide? Asking does not plant the idea. It gives her room to be honest. If she says yes, stay with her and help her contact 988 or a clinician. If she is in immediate danger, call 911. During a hard period, families can also quietly make sure medications and firearms are stored securely or kept out of the home.

If this is you

If you are going back to work and the dread feels bigger than nerves, you are not alone and it is not a character flaw. Talk to someone you trust about what you are really feeling. Make an appointment with a primary care doctor or mental health clinician, and mention sleep and hormone changes too. Many returning workers find that support groups or career transition programs, including in the St. Louis area, help with the practical side.

Depression is treatable, and people recover. Many women who went back to work in midlife after a hard start now describe that chapter as one they are glad they got through.

A newer option for severe depression

If the strain of this transition has led to depression with suicidal thoughts, a clinician may discuss this newer treatment. Spravato (esketamine) is a nasal spray the FDA has approved, taken along with an oral antidepressant, to treat depressive symptoms in adults with major depressive disorder who have acute suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is also approved for treatment-resistant depression. It is not a crisis treatment: it does not replace emergency care or a hospital stay when one is needed, and it has not been shown to prevent suicide or to reduce suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is given only in a certified clinic under a safety program called the Spravato REMS. The patient takes it there under supervision, stays at least two hours to be monitored, and does not drive until the next day after a full night of sleep. It is never dispensed for home use. Whether it fits is a clinician's decision after an evaluation.

Many clinics that offer this treatment start with a free first conversation where she can ask questions and see whether an evaluation makes sense. She is welcome to bring her partner, a friend or a grown child for support.