She has rehearsed it in the shower and in the car. She has typed it into her phone and deleted it more than once. She knows something is wrong. She has felt heavy for weeks, maybe months. Some nights the thoughts get darker than she would ever admit.
What she does not know is how to say it.
For many young women, telling someone is the hardest part of getting help. There is the fear of being a burden, of worrying a parent, of a friend not knowing what to say, of being seen differently. There is also a quieter fear: that saying it out loud will make it real.
It is already real. Saying it is how help begins.
Choosing who to tell
You do not need to tell everyone. You only need one person to start. Think about who in your life tends to listen without overreacting or lecturing. It might be:
- A close friend or roommate
- A parent, aunt, older sibling or cousin
- A resident adviser, professor or coach
- A coworker or supervisor you trust
- A doctor, nurse or counselor you already see
The right person does not have to be the closest person. Sometimes it is easier to tell someone a little outside your daily life.
Finding the words
There is no perfect script. Short and honest usually works best. Here are a few ways to start, which you can borrow or change:
- I have not been doing well for a while, and I need to talk to someone.
- I think I might be depressed, and I do not know what to do.
- I have been having thoughts of suicide, and it scares me.
- Can you help me find someone to talk to?
If thoughts of suicide are part of what you are carrying, try to include them. It can feel like the hardest sentence in the world. But it helps the other person understand how much support you need, and how soon.
If speaking feels impossible, write it. A text, a note or a message can carry the words for you. You can follow it by asking whether you can talk tonight.
If the first try does not go well
Sometimes people react badly at first. A parent might panic. A friend might change the subject or tell you to cheer up. That reaction usually comes from fear or from not knowing what to say, not from a lack of love.
It does not mean you were wrong to speak up. It may mean you need to try again with that person after they have had time to think, or try someone else. Keep going until someone helps you take the next step.
You can also go straight to people who are trained to listen. Call or text 988 any time, day or night, to reach a trained counselor. You do not have to be in immediate danger to use it. You can reach out because you are scared, lonely or not sure what you need.
What comes after
Telling someone is a beginning, not a finish line. The next step is usually getting connected with care. That might mean:
- Booking an appointment at a campus counseling center
- Seeing a primary care provider and telling them how you have been feeling
- Asking the person you told to sit with you while you make the call
- Calling the number on your insurance card to find a therapist
It is okay to ask the person you told to help with the logistics. Finding a provider, filling out forms and making phone calls can feel overwhelming when you are depressed. Letting someone else carry part of that load is not weakness.
If you ever feel you might act on thoughts of suicide, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Tell whoever is with you exactly how you are feeling.
You have carried this alone long enough. One sentence to one person can change the shape of the week ahead.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. In an emergency, call 911.